Periodical Obsessions

I’m one of those people who gets really into things. I’m pretty lazy and I don’t do much on a daily basis, but when I do, you bet your ass I put my all into it. You could say I go through “phases”, but I don’t like that word, so I call my “phases” periodical obsessions.

My periodical obsessions can be over anything, for example, when I like an actor or actress, I will stalk them out the whazoo. I read everything about them on every gossip website, watch every interview with them on YouTube, and watch every movie they’ve ever been in on Netflix.  After I have done all of this, my obsession wears off, and I am back to normal.

The same thing happens with hobbies. I move through my periodical hobby obsessions fairly quickly; the following is a list of hobbies that I have been obsessed over within the past six months  (in chronological order):

-collecting old records

-photography

-clay pottery

-skit shooting

-yoga

-fossil hunting

-kayaking

-guitar

-microscopy

-sewing

-bird watching

-competing in 5k’s

-fishing

-snorkeling

-gardening

-movie making

-wire sculpting

-learning French

-magic

I have just about ZERO patience, which is required to successfully execute most of these hobbies. Most of the time, my experiences don’t end well. But you know what? I can tell you that I now am the proud owner of 26 records (and no record player), a microscope, a 10^th place 5k medal, some hand-made pajama shorts, a couple fossils, a wire bird, a broken guitar, an unusable  clay pot, and a camera full of pictures. I can also play “twinkle twinkle little star” on the keyboard.

Here are some of my latest adventures:

Last week I was obsessed with paper mache and I made this fun little bird.

Then I was like “What the fuck do I do with this?” And I moved on.

So here we are this week.

I decided I wanted to be a professional baker like the guy on “Cake Boss”, so I bought a hundred dollars’ worth of baking supplies and ingredients and spent the last two days in the kitchen.

I was aiming for this:

I came out with this:

It didn’t come out as I had originally planned, so I tried again.

I was aiming for this:

And came out with this:

FUCK MY LIFE.

Now I have two butt-ugly cakes and negative one hundred dollars in my bank account.

Well, whataya gunna do.