Cell phones

I have only had two cell phones so far in my life, both which I bought with my own money.  

The first one was a small, square flip-phone that I bought when I was thirteen. It was about three inches big, and it conveniently fit in my wallet next to the imprinted penny I got from the zoo.  I referred to it as Tiny Phone, and it spent four wonderful, loving years with me. I felt so cool every time I whipped that sucker out. Everyone would say “Oooooh! What a little phone you have there!” and I would blush and say “Oh, it is very little, thank you.”

Then one day I watched Zoolander. I laughed and laughed at all the weird stuff Ben Stiller did; that is, until he whipped out his tiny phone. “HAH! LOOK AT HIS TINY PHONE!” I screamed out loud to my dog. “WHAT IS HE THINKING, THAT IDOT! HIS PHONE IS SO LITTLE! HAHAHA! WHAT A DORK!”

And then I stopped. “Fuck... ”

It was time for me to get a new phone.

I had finally grown old enough to get a real job, and even though most of my income was tied down to gas and burrito expenses, I decided to get an Iphone.

A new world was opened to me, a world where a girl can ask her phone any question, anywhere, anytime, and have an answer. I finally have internet on the go, a luxury Tiny Phone did not allow. Also, I now have to option to take pictures bigger than an ant’s wiener  AND actually get those pictures onto my computer (without having to buy a seven hundred dollar graphics transferal wire that is made only in a remote area of Bangladesh), which is extremely convenient.

It is amazing how many questions pop into my head (SIDE NOTE: I accidently wrote “poop” first instead of “pop” right there. Just imagine what would happen if I didn’t edit these things...) on a daily basis.

Let’s take a dive into my recent search history, shall we? In the past forty-eight hours I have Google-searched the following:

- “how to make glass”

-“Blobfish”

-“how to get out of a ticket”

-“fluffy puppy cow” (my biology teacher used this term once to describe some baby arctic ox or something, and I wanted to see if its picture would come up...)

-“butt socks” (In my dream everyone used this word instead of “underwear”, and I wondered if my sub-concious had invented a new word)

-“giant rabbit”

-“giant foot”

-“how to build a catapult”

-“biggest dog in the world”

-“Santorum” (I had heard there was a something gross about his name so I Googled it...)

-“black Stanley”

- “What’s the big deal with Amish furniture?”

-“turks and caicos”

-“is it weird to call someone a ‘butt spider’?”

-“is it weird if you sing to your dog in a British accent on a daily basis?”

-“what if you marry a guy that turns out to be your long-lost cousin?”

-“weird things people eat”

-“what’s bigger than a bazillion?”

And I’m going to stop right there, as things get more inappropriate further down the list.  

Is it just me, or do other people do this too?

Anyways, I hate being that person that’s all like “I LUV MY IPHONE SO SO SO SO SO MUCH XD <3 <3” but I have to say, it comes in handy.

**UPDATE: I’m sorry this post sucks such big hairy elephant balls. I will do better next time, I swear.

Also I ran out of funny cat pictures so you just have to deal with stupid cat pictures for now: