Movie Reviews/Funny-cat-maker

I have been trying to write this god forsaken research paper since the beginning of the semester. Every time I sit down to write the paper I end up watching a movie. This is unfortunate, because the paper is due next week and I still have all five pages to write/not write.

But.

I get to watch a lot of movies.

So it’s ok.

I must say that while searching for movies to watch I had to read some movie reviews.

I hate movie reviews.

You know why?

Here are a few reviews for the movie Bad Teacher:

1.     “A frustrating mix of smart flash and smirking impudence.”

2.     “…hard-partying school teacher transformed by his students into a paragon of pedagogical awesomeness…”

3.     “Provided you're in the mood for salacious fare, this titillating teensploit does deliver the requisite number of raunchy rib ticklers…”

4.     “ena biastiko kai xiliopathmeno trabhgmeno sxoini kwmikoy romantzoy, panw sto opoio prepei na balei prwtagwnistria kai yposthriktikoys ermhneytes na kanoyn akrobatika gia na gemisei h eytyxws syntomh diarkeia toy panhgyrioy toy”

Note to these reviewers:

How many Harvard PhDs do you think want to go see Bad Teacher? NONE. So stop writing as if that’s who is READING YOUR FUCKING MOVIE REVIEWS. Instead you should write reviews for the general public to contemplate. I have rewritten your reviews as to exemplify the most helpful writing style:

1.       “Ehh. It was ok.”

2.      “It was awesome!’

3.      “It was funny J”

4.      (and because I don’t know what language the last one is I am going to assume it says “claire’s blog is awesome so you should tell all of your friends so she can become famous and make lots of money.”)

Anyways, my friends, I have prepared a few reviews of my own as to help you on your own search for movies to watch.

Bad Teacher:

“cameron diaz is bad ass and smokes a lot of pot in this movie. I laughed when she was being dry-humped by justin timberlake, as they have dated before in real life and it must have been really awkward. I liked it.”

Thor:

“THOR IS SO FUCKING HOT.”

Transformers 3:

“I fast-forwarded through most of it, as two and a half hours watching big metal things making loud noises was too much.”

Captain America

“It was good. It was also funny.”

What’s your number?

“It sucked big hairy balls. But chris evans is hot.”

Crazy Stupid Love

“I liked this movie J You should watch it.”

I will start a website. I will call it “moviereviewsbyclaire.com” and everyone will visit my website and thank me for my good movie reviews. I will become famous and maybe when a Pulitzer Prize.

Also guess what guys. I made my own funny cat picture! I did not know you could do that. It is exciting. I am still an amateur, but one day I might become a professional funny-cat-picture-maker.

It's not that funny.

I will get there, though.