Being a girl is hard.
You see, being emotionally vulnerable
is not something you can control. It’s built deep, deep down in a woman’s DNA,
and it sucks so much ass.
I don’t think men understand that you can’t help it. Not
even one little bit.
For example, I was in an intense conversation the other day,
and I was really on my game. I was making some really competent deliveries and
it was very exciting. But then I got to the end of a long speech, not particularly
sad or angry, but god damn it felt like the end of 300, and I’m screaming the
last words of inspiration to a group of soldiers walking into their death. It was
so impassioned, and I couldn’t handle it. I started tearing up.
“Are you fucking crying right now…?” My friend James interrupted.
“NO!” I screamed, wiping the tears away.
GET YOUR SHIT
TOGETHER, CLAIRE! I tell myself.
I start to cry more.
STOP YELLING AT ME! I
tell the part of myself that just yelled at me.
Once you start crying, you lose all respect in a conversation. you are no longer on the same level. You are seen as a weakling, and there is no coming back.
I once walked in on my sister crying at the end of 10 years
younger, a TLC makeover show. Now, my first instinct was to judge her and tell
to quit being such a little bitch, but frankly, I’ve been there, many, many
times. Extreme makeover anything, and I
just lose my shit at the big reveal. Houses, fat people, it could be Extreme Makeover: Your Grandma’s bathroom
and I would probably tear up a little. “Look at those porcelain tiles!” I would
choke out through blurry eyes. “Her baths are going to be so much nicer now! Oh
my god, oh my god I’m so happy for you Gloria. ENJOY YOUR BATHROOM GLORIA.
ENJOY IT FOREVER!!”
My emotions don’t even make sense. I could watch a marathon of
Final Destination movies, and watch
teenager after teenager die incredibly gruesome deaths and not feel a thing.
BUT GOD FORBID I WATCH A FAT PERSON LOSE WEIGHT, IM GONE.
SO IM SORRY I CRY, OK!
I’M JUST REALLY HAPPY FOR HER.
SHE WILL LOOK SO GOOD IN HER SKINNY JEANS NOW.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
